|
|
Post by amberfields on Feb 25, 2021 5:06:34 GMT -8
Wow, that was intense. The strongest ones of us have to go through the most stuff, so you're obviously a very strong one. I am a lot stronger now than I was before. It is weird how some people go through a life time of experiences that pushes them to the limits, some actually seek that out and others have a life with not much strife at all. |
|
|
|
Post by amberfields on Feb 25, 2021 5:39:15 GMT -8
Sooo, months and months went on as I visited with the kids every other weekend and I sat in my room while putting up with an untamed rage from a man who was hurting from the death of his Mother. (The woman I died with in spirit while she was in the living room and me in the bedroom.) I once endured five hours of intense hatred directed right to me. My heart pounded out of my chest after a few months of this. Maybe it would have been easier to go out into a group of people. Sure does seem that way now. I tell ya, it was rough. Charles has more rage and hatred than any other person I have ever met in my life and I have met quite a few murders in my time. He is the greediest, most self-centered and most egotistical in speech, which just masks his deep insecurities of him-self which are masked by illusory beliefs about himself: such as being physically invincible. He told me in his younger years he would stab himself and not feel the pain. This led him to belief he is invincible. His thoughts and being are maddening on to their own. His therapist as a child encouraged him to vent his rage by screaming. His misunderstanding of Charles led him on a destructive path because Charles did just that. His Mom told me that his brain is not completely connected. He has a wire loose. It is the wire that connects the vestibule system. This system sends electrical impulses to your brain. This system controls your sense of balance. He is a literal live wire. A live wire needs to learn discipline in exerting his anger. He needs to feel security not anxiety. “I hate God.” He told me. He was angered when he listened to my experiences with God. He even told me he was jealous. In his youth, he actually signed his name over to Lucifer in blood. So here I was basically living in danger while trying to cope with my own strange reality. Boy, did I smoke a lot of weed. I never smiled. I never talked. I only endured the hatred, the rage, and the attempt to kill the light with- in me. I sure hope my kids didn’t pick up too much bullshit for the tough experiences I chose. I hope they found strength from it, just as I have. There were great traits to Charles. He is generous, patient, a good listener and kept his word. And my kids liked him, he was good to them. He did the right thing by them.
Back on the home front, my brother and his wife had a baby. I sensed a baby boy before I heard word of it and when I heard the word, I rejoiced. He’s a cute little guy, I seen a birth picture and the little guy had an afro. So cute, gotta love babies. They both had good jobs and they bought a house, then another. The second one has the family style neighborhood they were looking for.
Life’s struggles consisted of this experience: my brother and his family were at the mall on the balcony outside. He looked down with his newborn in his arms and sensed his son dead on the sidewalk below. He sensed the blood. My brother fell into a seizure from the deeply felt awareness. He now has grave knowledge; the knowledge of his son dying, but not knowing when is a blessing. I on the other hand have a good idea of the time frame of his death. I too saw a vision at the same time my brother did. Thankfully I did not learn of my brothers grave wisdom until many years later. So I could keep my silence until I could figure out what to do. I saw my brother and another boy run out of a Mall. The other boy was ahead of my nephew. A police officer was chasing them. The officer yelled, “Stop!” The other boy kept running and my nephew stopped and turned around raising his hands above his head as he was turning. The officer believes him to have a gun according to the way he moves and shoots my nephew dead in the chest. He falls to the sidewalk as blood flows out of his body. Meanwhile, his soul keeps on running, following the other boy who is hiding in a filthy restroom.He knew it was not right there so he left to my Dad who was waiting for him. My brothers son came up to my Dads shoulders. They walked away together. For about six months after my brohter told me of his vision and in recollection of mine, I cried my heart out for my brother, contemplating on what to do.
I kept hearing the saying, “When you know who you are, you know what to do.”
I vainly watched a television series drama about whether it is right to change to future when you know it. Should you or should you not? The show went off the air before the writers could reveal their story. In the last shows, a man came about and was telling the female who was changing history to stop that because it messes up the natural order of the universe. So one night I even drank an entire bottle of Mad Dogg 20/20 in hopes to get it out of my system. It didn’t work until I decided to remain silent until God lets me know when and how to speak. No tears of burden since. In 2014, I told my brother. He assured me that his cop friend has had talks with him. Shortly afterwards, my brothers son was with a group of kids, his head hit the pavement. He has brain damage to where his short term memory is shot. He can watch a 30 minute TV show and not remember what he watched as soon as it’s over. It is 6 January 2015 and his memory has not improved. Seems the timeline has changed, but was it for the better? He also got a severe concussion in January of 2021 and is not recovering that well.
Not long before this conversation with my brother back in 2004 or so, another tragedy happened. On my end, I remember sitting on the couch thinking that I was about to die. I could not shake the thought or feeling. After a few hours of this, I started to think I was crazy again. I went to bed that night with that presence. I had a dream of a funeral. Mom and Dad were there, and lots of family. The ex husband wanted to talk to me. Mom and Dad mourned and my brother and his family were nowhere in sight. The dream was over. The next morning, the phone rang; it was my Dad. “Your brother almost died last night. His appendix exploded inside of him. The surgery saved his life.”
Until another day, the story goes on.
|
|
|
|
Post by amberfields on Feb 25, 2021 16:12:40 GMT -8
Found out that a dear friend of mine since the year 2000 died. She was a retired nurse and missionary. She born in 1929, so led a long life and one with much purpose. I met her during my awakening process. I had no friends at the time and I prayed to God for one friend that truly believes in god. i waited a year and got no response, a year later i prayed one more time. shortly afterwards i got a letter from a relative who was a missionary and told me her friend was moving to where i was and asked if i would like to meet her. so i did. we had bible study once a week for many years, aaa..up until 2008 when i moved back home to pa. so many memories in my heart and mind right now.
|
|
|
|
Post by linen on Feb 26, 2021 7:13:11 GMT -8
For me, dark night of the soul is when I thought it couldn't get any worse...and it did.
Your absolute disconnect from the world other than Charles. Your absolute slip on sanity. You were barely holding on. But you did.
|
|
|
|
Post by amberfields on Feb 26, 2021 19:24:12 GMT -8
the saga continues...
While ascending in time, the new millennium rolled in and a lot of idiots sat around waiting for the world to end. I think I stayed up, not to see the world end, but just to roll the millennium in. So Charles and I drank a half of a drink with no enthusiasm. Then we went to bed. Yes it is possible to be that boring. I can’t believe I just said that joke, enough of Charles‘s humor. I bet most of you reading didn’t even get it. I now I didn’t in the re-reads. Shortly after the New Year, I had some not so boring moments. I was living what I thought to be another boring afternoon of watching TV. After the Montell Williams show, I fell half asleep due to boredom. Next thing I knew, I heard a noise at the front door and I jerked inside of myself. Then I see from the position of my head, a see through version of myself sit-up out of my body and got to the door quicker than I could ever run to it. Then I realized how silly it would be to check and see if anyone was there when I knew there was not. Next I came to a point of view that hovered over my feet at about a 90-degree angle or so. From there I placed my body image next to my sleeping body and counted the actions of the entire experience: one, two, three, four… then all of me was back in my body and I felt a surge of electricity flow from the center of my brain outward. In caution, I willed my frozen body to move. This experience was mind bending. It reminded of a time when I was 16 years old laying on my bed wide awake in my bedroom in my hometown. I felt my legs move up, I looked. They were still on the bed, but I did see a replica of my legs floating high in the air out of my body. When I realized this, the image dropped back into my body and I felt a thump. “What in the world is going on?” I thought. I bought a book on spiritual alchemy, it helped but I still could not find the simplicity in the experience. 'Lord, now does he who sees the vision see it {through} the soul {or} through the spirit?' The Savior answered and said, 'He does not see through the soul nor through the spirit, but the mind which [is] between the two--that is [what] sees the vision and it is [...].' (pp.11-14 Book of Mary Magdalene. Four months later, I had another similar experience. I just lied down to bed. I was layin’ on my stomach with my arms reaching sideways and my elbows bent placing my hands above my head. As soon as I lay down and without any effort on my part, I felt a relaxing energy move up from my feet, to my legs, my chest, and then I stopped the flow. I gripped my fist trying to stop the energy and then I felt myself quickly leave my body. Next I found my point of view to be from the ceiling at the right end of the bed at an 89-90 degree angle. I looked down at my body and noticed that my pure white soul was rising out of my body feet first and then from the area of the neck and shoulders. I placed the white silhouette to the right of my body. Here I felt as if I was going into a perpetual rest. So I gave my soul a look over and then I focused intently on the brain area. Then I noticed a tiny patch of light gray appear in the brain area. The longer I stared at it the darker and larger the spot grew. Quickly the black formed to the shape of my brain. Then it trickled down to the spot where I stopped the flow, the neck and shoulder area. In my next action, I moved my point of view to be on the left side of the image. There I saw that the darkness was hovering about an inch over the light. Then I went back to the 89-degree angle and felt joy. My soul merged with my mind. Then I looked at the television and seen a cartoon like blonde hair child jump down from my point of view and into the TV, as the boy moved, so did I back into my body. This time I could easily move after re-entering my body. From that experience, I learned that the darkness does not mix with the light. The darkness is a shadow. Symbolically the darkness is evil. It is the ego (ignorance) of man, and the light is good. The darkness is void of the relaxing energy of what I was about to fully receive, an energy that would have opened up my consciousness to what is called god consciousness. The best way to describe God consciousness for me is in biological terms. The human body oscillates between the brain and the blood seven times a second. The body as a pendulum reaches its point of rest (zero time) at fourteen times a second. This is where our brain waves reach beyond the delta waves. (0.5 to 3 HZ) From here we become the “observer”, which is our spirit form that has no mass and very high speed. By reaching the zero point in these mathematical terms, one will become omnipresent because the expansion of consciousness leads to an expansion into space. You see; the values of subjective and objective time ratio increase rapidly beyond 89-degrees. Objective time becomes infinitely long at 90-degress. At zero time, infinite speed and total rest become complimentary, allowing for the experience of God consciousness. No offense God, language would have me as a pusillanimous, but I am glad I do not know this, yet. I am not ready for that. My mind has much to learn and teach in this shadow…my friend, my unconscious. And yes, having no understanding at the time of what the hell happened, I was feeling crazier than ever about these experiences. I found nothing in my books about anyone’s ability to do this, save God and in some people’s perspective, Jesus. And hey! Wait a minute, I am not crazy, I am not Jesus, even though the save the children experience and these two experiences point me in that direction does not mean I am he. I read about other people who leave their body, but they don't see their body and soul from the perspective of spirit, so why am I? In anguish these thought went through my head for a long time, “Why is this happening? What is it that I don’t understand? Who the hell am I?” |
|
|
|
Post by linen on Feb 27, 2021 7:38:08 GMT -8
I sure have never heard of this before. As you know, your experiences are unique to you, both to teach you and so you can teach others. I can barely understand half of what you said, but it sounds really good.
|
|
|
|
Post by Yoda on Feb 27, 2021 10:59:19 GMT -8
I sure have never heard of this before. As you know, your experiences are unique to you, both to teach you and so you can teach others. I can barely understand half of what you said, but it sounds really good. I think the best way to interpret these dreams from an outsiders perspective (meaning not your experience) is to take away key words and formulate them into something you can understand. |
|
|
|
Post by Yoda on Feb 27, 2021 11:11:22 GMT -8
Wow, that was intense. The strongest ones of us have to go through the most stuff, so you're obviously a very strong one. I am a lot stronger now than I was before. It is weird how some people go through a life time of experiences that pushes them to the limits, some actually seek that out and others have a life with not much strife at all. Soul contracts.
We each, tick and flick what we want to go on in our life prior to birth/incarnation. Those who ask for challenging lives get to advance quicker due to the adversity experienced. Those who choose an easy charmed life don't get that privilege of the latter. Because there was no challenges, no adversity within them. So those souls will take their sweet time advancing spiritually. It may not mean much in this material physical world. But when you consider that we are spiritual beings having a temporary experience here, it does make sense to get the most out of the experience than to just have a mediocre one..
But that not to say that these experiences should be taken as challenges. Some lives can be pampered and some challenging.
|
|
|
|
Post by amberfields on Feb 27, 2021 13:01:02 GMT -8
I sure have never heard of this before. As you know, your experiences are unique to you, both to teach you and so you can teach others. I can barely understand half of what you said, but it sounds really good. Is it the math. LOL.
Ten years later, I learned from my spiritual teacher that astral travel is an illusion. What is happening is that our consciousness is expanding and our soul is a representation of our emotions. I agree with that. The boy I saw jump down into the TV, into that particular wave of energy, was in fact a representation of my emotional intelligence…my joy.
I smoked more weed, endured more hateful words about God from Charles and continued on my search for some answers.
Well, many, many years later I came across the word Atman, so being who I am I read all I could on the subject.
In the Upanishads, the Hindus believe that the single God without beginning or end is called Brahman. Brahman is the one without a second, A.K.A. zero time. Brahman is in the physical and external world and just as well in the spiritual and inner world. The Atman is the universal spirit. The atman (with a little "a") is our souls. When one ascends by knowing that death, life, all are one; and desire of any kind no longer exists in your being, one’s atman will become free from the bonds of suffering and become aware of the knowledge of the Atman. The Atman is what we truly are. The Brahman is the totality of the universe that is outside of our selves. The Atman is an independent essence of selflessness. It is hidden in all creations; it is the microcosm representing the macrocosm in all creations. The Atman is the silent partner in all experiences. It is the observer that does not reside in the body or soul. It is an aspect of God. Our individual spark that is united and connected to all other sparks of creation.
The Kundalini energy I felt flow from my feet and up my body is called “Brahmanic Fire.” Kundalini energy relates to the chakras in the body. You will read more about this later.
|
|
|
|
Post by amberfields on Feb 27, 2021 13:02:18 GMT -8
I sure have never heard of this before. As you know, your experiences are unique to you, both to teach you and so you can teach others. I can barely understand half of what you said, but it sounds really good. I think the best way to interpret these dreams from an outsiders perspective (meaning not your experience) is to take away key words and formulate them into something you can understand. Those were experiences while I was wide awake, not dreams. but YES, take key words to formulate them into something you understand is an excellent way to try and learn something. |
|
