jo
Infant Soul
Posts: 4
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Post by jo on Apr 25, 2021 11:04:06 GMT -8
Hi all,
I'm new here. I'm well into the process of self awareness/realisation. I've had many years of therapy with a wonderful lady and have had significant life issues, mainly almost dying and being severely impaired for a long time which brought me to this journey.
Alot of new realisations ref the truth of myself, others and relationships are coming quite rapidly as I change. Some times the reality of the truth as I see it now is so much to handle I actually feel recently like I don't know if I want to keep going. I'm not saying I'm going to end my life but it is so overwhelming at times I philosophise intensely over what is the point, feeling, I don't want this and I want to get off the bus now! I don't know if I want to commit to living. I have had many traumas which have made me at times negative, depressed and anxious but this feels more of a profound feeling. I'm 42 and a mum for info.
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jo
Infant Soul
Posts: 4
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Post by jo on Apr 25, 2021 11:05:30 GMT -8
I meant to say,my post is to ask...can this be part of the process and will it improve from your experiences
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Post by Yoda on Apr 25, 2021 11:10:13 GMT -8
Hello and welcome Jo.
Hope you find what your looking for here. As we cover many topics and are very open minded.
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Post by Yoda on Apr 25, 2021 11:12:43 GMT -8
Don't feel like your alone Jo. If you allow it, we can support each other myself and the other active members. One big happy family of friends.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2021 11:17:24 GMT -8
Hello and welcome. My empathy is with you. The process is rough and will balance out and then fluctuate again as we grow and gain wisdom through experience.
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jo
Infant Soul
Posts: 4
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Post by jo on Apr 25, 2021 12:05:13 GMT -8
Thankyou for your posts everyone! It definitely feels like a rollercoaster at the moment. I have to remember what you said about ups and downs. There have been many ups too.
I feel distanced from most people I knew as friends and some family. I feel this is because I'm changing and it is extremely lonely. I am hopeful of getting to a point where I can feel compassion for others as this will help me ultimately. At the moment it's alot of hurt and resentment over the reality of things I had dreamt or believed regards my need of others and who and what I have in my life.
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Post by Yoda on Apr 25, 2021 12:16:07 GMT -8
What it sounds like is that you are going through your version of waking up. feeing alienated by those close to you as they don't and can't understand what you're going through. Don't worry about them. Be you, be who you are meant to be. Don't deny yourself of being you.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2021 12:37:40 GMT -8
Feel those emotions to the core and eventually it will turn into information only. When I "woke up" into spiritual matters, I dropped everyone from my life and sat alone for many years. I taught myself all kinds of things. What do you like to do for mediation Jo? Silencing the mind for a time each day helps me center. I do that by painting or drawing, etc.
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jo
Infant Soul
Posts: 4
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Post by jo on Apr 25, 2021 12:49:05 GMT -8
This all rings true, thankyou both. It sounds very comforting to hear that.
I don't know if it's meditation but I am learning the guitar and playing this alone helps me alot. I am practicing guided meditation too but it's tough to be as dedicated as I probably could be. I follow a recommended meditation guide online a few days a week. I love to walk in remote places too.
I'm no good at art! ☺️
Did your time alone when you dropped people from your life not feel terrifying? It's frightening for me at the moment. I kind of understand why but it's hard to fight the level of fear.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2021 13:33:10 GMT -8
O yes, playing music is a fantastic mediation. Wish I had the skills to do that. I admire your efforts on learning to play guitar. I love walking in remote places too. There is a trail near my home that I walk on that goes through the mountains.
I felt more terrified being around people when I dropped them out of my life. Everything I thought and felt was being synchronized in front of me and that overwhelmed me. I needed silence and to be alone to try to understand what was going on, so I ended up studying for about six years on a variety of subjects. What exactly are you afraid of, your own thoughts, emotions? No need to answer that here if you don't wish to, but that is what I would look into, "Why am I afraid to sit alone?" If you know the answer, then that emotion is what you need to feel to the core.
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