Post by andromedan on Feb 23, 2021 9:27:03 GMT -8
Why not? It's long though, so beware.
I blasted wide open in November 2019 but I'll get to that. Leading up to it, I realize now that there were some key things that happened before that, which helped set the table. The first was that my weight got way up there to a place I never imagined it going. I'm 6'4" and was 165 lbs in high school. Naturally I got heavier as I got older but my ideal weight for my musculature was closer to 190, but I had got up to 250! I needed to change that, and fast, so I discovered (intermittent) fasting. I had started doing that, then did a 7 day water fast, which was a bitch but that helped. Eating less period really helps, especially by cutting out an entire meal. Save money and stress. Shortly thereafter my wife and I made a stronger commitment to eating healthier. I read Dave Asprey's bulletproof diet and we started cutting out things that are terrible, then improved slowly from then. We had a huge pantry in our house and basically threw 3/4 of the stuff in there away. Eating healthier and being lighter sets the table quite well.
Through all this my wife was awakening, as we both realize it now. Of course I didn't know what was going on and neither did anyone in the family, therefore it was easy to blame her for all the problems and I bought into that. Until on my morning walk, when I was forced to grapple with what a divorce would really look like and how I would be a single father (since she was certifiably nuts at the time, so I thought). It hit me pretty hard, that sure I could get a divorce and take the kids and brute force my way through an unfulfilling life like I had always done. But if I don't change me, I'll end up right back here in another 10-15 years, just like I had with my previous girlfriend (who I thought I would marry, who dumped me because I was lazy).
I blasted wide open in November 2019 but I'll get to that. Leading up to it, I realize now that there were some key things that happened before that, which helped set the table. The first was that my weight got way up there to a place I never imagined it going. I'm 6'4" and was 165 lbs in high school. Naturally I got heavier as I got older but my ideal weight for my musculature was closer to 190, but I had got up to 250! I needed to change that, and fast, so I discovered (intermittent) fasting. I had started doing that, then did a 7 day water fast, which was a bitch but that helped. Eating less period really helps, especially by cutting out an entire meal. Save money and stress. Shortly thereafter my wife and I made a stronger commitment to eating healthier. I read Dave Asprey's bulletproof diet and we started cutting out things that are terrible, then improved slowly from then. We had a huge pantry in our house and basically threw 3/4 of the stuff in there away. Eating healthier and being lighter sets the table quite well.
Through all this my wife was awakening, as we both realize it now. Of course I didn't know what was going on and neither did anyone in the family, therefore it was easy to blame her for all the problems and I bought into that. Until on my morning walk, when I was forced to grapple with what a divorce would really look like and how I would be a single father (since she was certifiably nuts at the time, so I thought). It hit me pretty hard, that sure I could get a divorce and take the kids and brute force my way through an unfulfilling life like I had always done. But if I don't change me, I'll end up right back here in another 10-15 years, just like I had with my previous girlfriend (who I thought I would marry, who dumped me because I was lazy).
We made little strides until the cranial sacral therapist she was seeing recommended we get away and take some MDMA. I had never done drugs before, never even had a lit cigarette in my mouth, and I was even growing away from drinking alcohol. The guy seemed like a weirdo but my wife trusted him and I wasn't ready to give up my marriage, so what the hell. Living in the Chicago suburbs at the time, we took a 5.5 hour drive north to upper Wisconsin where a family friend had a place that he let us have for the weekend, since no one goes to upper Wisconsin in November (cold but not cold enough to snowmobile yet).
That's when I popped wide open. Laying on the bed after having taken my first dose, it was like I melted into the bed and just got a flood of emotion and contact. No pictures, no voices, just knowing. A powerful knowing, something talking to me. So much love, so many answers... it was "the other side" if you will, the energetic world making itself tangible inside of me. Our therapist who gave us the MDMA likes that over psychadelics because MDMA is an empathic and forces you into the heart whereas mushrooms/LSD is a cerebral/mental experience. That was just what I needed cause I had spent my whole life firmly embedded in logic and shutting my emotions down because emotions are stupid and weak and unreliable (as I thought at the time of course).
It was a full blown crown/third-eye opening experience. Immediately my whole world flipped upside down. I didn't grow up with religion or any modicum of spirituality and was agnostic, borderline atheist. I literally went from being a matrix believer to a highly spiritual person overnight, just not knowing how to be a highly spiritual person yet or what it all entails. Haha. I went from not being sure about there being a god to knowing with every fiber of my being that god (I prefer "source" or "universal consciousness") is very real and very everything. My perspective completely changed and then people thought I was nuts now, which was kinda fun. I had my troubles navigating it all because I am such a strong left-brained person and I can quickly integrate and innerstand things so I ran down the rabbit holes fast and deep, but I was just so damn interested in knowing it all and figuring it all out. I've since slowed down on that and accepted that I can't know it all and I'm not meant to figure it all out (even if I could). That was a hard ego death.
It was a full blown crown/third-eye opening experience. Immediately my whole world flipped upside down. I didn't grow up with religion or any modicum of spirituality and was agnostic, borderline atheist. I literally went from being a matrix believer to a highly spiritual person overnight, just not knowing how to be a highly spiritual person yet or what it all entails. Haha. I went from not being sure about there being a god to knowing with every fiber of my being that god (I prefer "source" or "universal consciousness") is very real and very everything. My perspective completely changed and then people thought I was nuts now, which was kinda fun. I had my troubles navigating it all because I am such a strong left-brained person and I can quickly integrate and innerstand things so I ran down the rabbit holes fast and deep, but I was just so damn interested in knowing it all and figuring it all out. I've since slowed down on that and accepted that I can't know it all and I'm not meant to figure it all out (even if I could). That was a hard ego death.
I've since learned a lot about myself in a rather short year+, and a lot in general. I've made huge strides even though it feels like there's such a long way to go. My biggest challenge is being in the present moment since I grew up so task/achievement oriented, which is probably the most pervasive aspect of the matrix's programming on us, but I'm working on it with a whole lot of love for myself and my journey. 
